Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
I have been busy for the past few months, involved in a project at work that has not only deprived me of most of my summer but also my beauty sleep.
I am not much of a sleeper, never have been. I don't mind going to bed, I would rather just live in a world where I can stay awake all of the time. Sleep is way over rated, that is unless you are just downright, dog tired.
My mother says that I've been this way all of my life. I used to get up for school without an alarm, even in high school. I never slept in on Saturday or Sunday. Not even during the summer. My venture into all-nighters consisted of staying up until I was tired and then I went to bed. 7-8 hours has been all I've needed, I get up at the same time nearly every day of my life. 5:25am finds me staring at the clock until 5:30 so that I can see how fast it takes me to turn the alarm off and not tick off the person on the other side of the bed.
There was a period of time when I slept for outrageous amounts of time. About 14 years ago I found myself sleeping for 16 hours at a time. Not that I wanted to. I would just wake up, call into work sick, go back to bed for another 8 hours. I finally went back to my doctor to sort that situation out. Turns out that I was going to a doctor who used his clinic as a place to teach new doctors. I was getting a new doctor each year that never got the diagnosis right. There is a reason that they call it a "practice".
On one occasion I went to see this doctor, or his resident, because I had fell on the ice a number of months earlier and busted some part of my elbow. The pieces of bone that broke off just kind of floated around inside my skin. Whenever I leaned on that elbow it hurt like the dickens. I told the doctor about it and she, I prefer woman doctors, suggested that I not lean on that elbow.
Wow! Why didn't I think of that! That was certainly worth the $15.00 co-pay.
Sleep apnea turned out to be my 16-hour sleep issue. A little additional weight, okay, a lot of additional weight, I started snoring at 84 decibels, so bad that my wife left the room. I was issued a CPAP machine which I have used faithfully since they gave it to me. If you've seen these machines they involve noise that reminds you of Darth Vader breathing. It's a little obnoxious to wear each night but it has spiced up our sex life.
Cue the heavy breathing…. "Leia, come to the dark side." And that is when I get hit by the remote control.
My point to all this is that sleep is way overrated.
And then there are naps.
I love a good nap. Naps are simultaneously energy lifts and time wasting. How beautiful to do nothing and rest afterwards.
You've heard "there's and app for that"? Well, I have a nap for that.
Just finished mowing and edging the yard? There's a nap for that. Mine's in the hammock.
Driving by yourself down the freeway on a road trip and start to drive in every lane but yours. There's a nap for that. A nice 30 minute stop at a rest area.
11-12 hour day at work, coming home dog tired? There's a nap for that. Kick back in the recliner, position the pillow just right, mute the TV, next thing you know, you're in a coma for a good hour and ready to take on dinner. Besides, it's very attractive to the wife to see you napping in the family room, drool flowing out the side of your mouth, just having slayed the dragon.
Tired of playing with the grandkids? Other than playing dead, which doesn't work because my grandkids give wet willy's, a tired grandkiddy is a great reason to take a nap. They need one and you get one. There's a nap for that.
Is your flight longer than an hour? There's a nap for that! Window seats are perfect and there is no interruption worth it. For instance, the peanuts and soda.
Work beating you down, long day already and a long day ahead? There's a nap for that! 15 minutes after lunch with my feet up on the desk or the car seat reclined.
And then there is the king of all naps. Sunday. Yes, there's a nap for that!
As I mentioned earlier, I'm up every day by 5:30 and Sunday is no exception. By the time my Sunday responsibilities end I am ready to check out. I come home from church, grab something to eat, turn on the TV, mute it, and then go catatonic for about 3 hours. The house could be burning down and I wouldn't care. Phone rings, I don't care. Knock on my door, no one's home.
The greatest thing about a nap is that it is free and you can do it almost anywhere, although I don't recommend taking one during sex. It isn't very complimentary to your spouse.
After? There's a nap for that!