Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Worst 9 Minutes Of My Life

There are very few people that I have hated in my life. As I have aged I have hated less and liked more. Love is too strong of a word to describe my progression so we won't banter that word around. Let's just say that I don't think that I have enemies so much as I know people that I might cross the street to avoid.

Except one person. It's not the guy who used to put 10 hot dogs in the hot dog package when there were only 8 buns in bun package. Remember, in order for it to balance out you needed to buy 4 packages of hot dogs and 5 packages of buns. And then someone always didn't want a bun with their hot dog. I had anger problems.That problem was solved when the hot dog people got together for lunch with the bun people, (there was 40 people at he lunch) and worked out a solution. It took an additional 40 negotiators to come to lunch and sort out the problem but they did. The hot dog people took two hot dogs out of the package, created a new package, slapped on a new and improved label and voila! Buns and dogs evened out and the dog people kept the price the same.

No, I'm over that one. Same for the guy who installed locks at 7-11. I just accepted the fact that open 24 hours isn't reality when the original premise of your store was that you stayed open 7am to 11pm. Didn't know that one did you! I cut them some slack.

My angst is directed toward someone who deserves it. The inventor of the 9-minute snooze alarm.What did mankind do to you that you have cheated us out of that extra minute. Did your mother wake you up in the morning for school only to have you respond "just 9 more minutes"? What kind of sick and depraved world did you grow up in?

Or is this part of your plan? Are you an overachiever who jumps out of bed after the first 9 minutes ready to take on the world? Have you spent most of your life saying "if I had just one more minute" or "gimme a minute". I don't know what kind of world you live in but you must be a Democrat for no self respecting right leaning Republican would try to take a minute from me.
In Britain you'd be a Labour Party member and not a Torie, in Russia you'd be.... well a communist, because they still are communists even though they say they're not. If you lived in that environment I'd be immigrating or trying to take over the world.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Who are you? You have taken two many one minutes from my life!

And now for the mathematicians. If you live to be an average age of 74, and assume that you don't get an alarm clock until 18 (because I don't want to figure out how many days you were going to miss school, sleep in during summer, winter, mid-winter, spring vacations and assorted holidays), let's assume that you get up for Church on Sunday, Saturday if you are a Seventh Day Adventist, assume that you get 10 sick days a year, that by the time you retire you don't sleep in anymore because your internal alarm clock has taken control of your body, assume that you don't drink and and won't be in a situation where you wouldn't hear an alarm because you had passed out in some strangers house. Using those assumptions that means for 17,441 days in my life I have missed out on one minute of sleep. That tranlates to 17,441 minutes of lost sleep. See how tricky that math was? 17,441 minutes translates into 290.683333333333333333333 hours of lost sleep. 290.333333333333333333 lost hours translates into 12.111805555555555 days that I could have been sleeping. And I did factor in Leap Year.

Yes Mr. 9 minute snooze alarm guy you have robbed me of a minute of sleep and I hate you.
And if you think I don't hate you enough, I usually hit the snooze twice.

Do that math.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Or one could argue, you have been given 1 more minute a day to live life, instead of sleeping, because that's not really living now is it... I know the glass is half full today. Profound... love your thoughts don't ever stop writing you are very talented.