I don’t know if I am a typical husband but like most of the other spousal units of the male persuasion I notice the subtle and the obvious changes that Hottie makes in her appearance, eventually. I mean obvious changes like major haircutting and coloring I’m on top of, say within about a week or two of the event. Usually my son who lives about 400 miles away asks me how I like his mothers new hairdo and then I ask what hairdo and then I’m in the doghouse. I tried to compliment her everyday on her hair, you know, “isn’t that a new look for you?” or “that new hair color really brings out the brown in your eyes”, but she soon caught on to my complete lack on sincerity and the fact that my eyes were getting browner with every compliment.
Subtle changes like a new outfit usually take me a year. Take for instance last Sunday. We were out of town visiting the in-laws/romantic getaway at the coast. I know, sounds like it sucked but we didn’t spend the romantic getaway with the in-laws. Focus. Hottie takes off her coat and is wearing this red long sleeved top that really, well, turned me on. I’m sure that it looked good on her but this being a romantic getaway I was also wondering what the world record time was for sincere-compliment-to-sex. I just know that looking at her in that outfit made me want to break the record. Sadly, she had owned the very cute little top for over a year and what I got was the sincere-compliment-to-lecture about how I never really notice her. I’ve got the world record in that category. I still wanted to see how easy the top came off even though I got the lecture.
Which brings me to the real reason for this blog.
Men accessorize through remodeling.
If shopping defines women then remodeling defines men. I shrink at the thought of having to buy a new pair of shoes, shirts, a new suit, and even socks. My wife on the other hand wants me to go shopping with her all of the time, to the mall, to the grocery store, and the furniture store. I know you can’t believe that I would pass up a great opportunity like shopping but most times I’d rather have my testicles put in a vise. Nothing personal I just don’t like shopping.
But every Saturday I’m at Lowes. And I’m shopping but I don’t think of it as shopping. I’m accessorizing.
Like most of you I’m big into home improvement. As Hottie will tell you I’m constantly working on the house, she will also tell you that I’m not big into finishing my projects in a timely manner. But I’m working on a project right now that is the perfect project for accessorizing. I’m replacing my electrical service panel/rewiring most of the house/rewiring the phone system/replacing the cable lines/finally finishing the laundry room/completely remodeling the garage/building my man cave. And how does a man accessorize?
With new TOOLS!!!
Ladies, men put as much thought into the tools, or accessories for the project as you put into matching an outfit with the right necklace, earrings, shoes or scarf. A project just isn’t the same without a new tool. Take for instance my current project. Overhead work, rough carpentry, drywall. To my very patient wife it’s dust, noise, and destruction. To the man who accessorizes it’s a new ladder, framing hammer and a Rotozip! And like those necklaces, earrings, and shoes that you wear with a wide range of outfits, our accessories will go with other projects.
That Rotozip is just as useful trimming tile for your new floor as it is for trimming electrical boxes in drywall. I’m toying with the idea of using it to trim my nose hairs but I’m having trouble finding someone to test my theory. Now the ladder will spend its lifetime gaining us access to the attic, the roof, trimming the trees, hanging Christmas lights, cleaning gutters, and getting the cat out of the tree (or putting the cat in the tree). The framing hammer is useful in so many ways, building a new shed, that arbor that you’ve always wanted, and it doubles as a nut cracker.
So the next time that you think that your husband doesn’t notice you, turn it around. Go down to Manland and sincerely compliment your man on his new tools. You’ll fumble, he’ll grumble, but when you show him that you are sincerely interested in how he “dresses” himself you’ll find the compliments will be returned.